Top 10 Legends and Fairytales in the New Testament
by Barrett Wolf
- Virgin Birth – Just think about it. Where do babies come from?
- The Temptation in the wilderness by the devil – Sort of like Job’s story, you’ve got the devil trying to mess with God.
- Feeding of the multitudes – Magic bread and fish. Poof!
- Walking on water – Yep, and I’m sure his poop didn’t stink either!
- Lazarus rises from the dead (after 4 days) – Lazarus come forth! Sure. Oh by with way, why was Jesus weeping in that story anyway?
- Zombies in Jerusalem – Graves open and Old Saint Zombies walking around Jerusalem while Jesus is on the Cross – You got to love this scene. Recording only in Matthew’s gospel, at the time of the crucifixion, you’ve got all these dead zombies coming out of their graves walking around Jerusalem.
- Resurrection of Jesus – Think about it for a moment. You’ve got a popular teacher who heals people. He drew massive crowds of thousands wherever he went. He couldn’t even cross the Sea of Galilee without thousands meeting him on the other side. He had to wake early and go into the hills just to have some time alone. Then, he’s publicly crucified and performs the greatest miracle of all: he’s resurrected from the dead 3 days later. Hardly a crowd, hardly a peep, hardly any fanfare, press, crowd or gathering. The gospels conflict on many of these details. But one fact on which the four stories agree is that it was an extremely anti-climactic event and very quiet, witnessed by only a handful of people. Supposedly according to Acts, he was around for 40 days and the largest crowd to which he ever appeared (according to Paul in 1 Corinthians 15, who was not an eye-witness) was 500. That’s it.
- Rapture of Christians – My favorite thing about this legend which is supposed to happen in the future is Christian art portraying people floating up to the sky.
- The Great Tribulation – I’m glad this isn’t true, because holy hell is suppose to break out on earth. By they way, don’t be Jewish during the Tribulation.
- 2nd Coming of the Messiah, Armageddon and the New Earth – Well let’s just agree it’s been a long time, since people began teaching this stuff. In every generation since Jesus, there have been Christians convinced that “he’s coming back in our lifetime.” Keep believing it, you never know.